Dear Jim Bob,
Michelle Obama seems to be popping up every day in a different media forum talking about how she is changing the way America eats. Jim Bob, is Michelle going to come get my Big Mac and take it away forever. Can the government take over my menu Jim Bob? What’s going on?
Rollie Pollie
Fate, Texas
Dear Rollie,
This is going to be hard to believe but my sources in Washington DC insist that its true. Michelle has been secretly installed by her husband as the “Junk Food Czar” in the same way he has created other stealth regulators that dip daily into the private lives of Americans and nibble away at free choices. Insiders call Mrs. Obama the queen of the “Junk Food Fairies”. She is actively recruiting thousands of new IRS inspectors, each of whom will be designated as a federal Junk Food Fairy. Soon, this army of Junk Food Fairies will be dispatched under the authority of Obamacare to peer into the refrigerators of all Americans.
To understand this new initiative you have to think of the Tooth Fairy, who comes in the night to retrieve freshly extracted teeth from beneath the pillows of sleeping children. The Tooth Fairy leaves varying amounts of money behind as she slips away with the fresh tooth. The Federal Junk Food Fairies will operate like the Tooth Fairy except they will invade people’s refrigerators while they sleep and conduct an inventory of what’s kept inside. If the Junk Food Fairy finds food with excessive fat content they will take the food away, like the tooth fairy takes a tooth. However, the Junk Food Fairy will not leave any money behind – They will leave a document called a “Fat Ticket”!
The Fat Ticket will impose a punitive tax restriction on the family found to be eating unhealthy food. The penalty will be to deny the fined family the right to claim home mortgage interest as an itemized deduction on their personal income tax returns for that current tax year. The idea is that the offending food was found in a refrigerator located in a home owned by people who probably acquired the unhealthy food. Since Michelle Obama wants to “hit people where they live”, the tax deduction restriction seems to be a logical strategy.
Evidently, the Junk Food Fairies will only be tasked to invade and inspect the refrigerators of people earning $200,000 or more each year, who also own their own homes. In this way, the Obama’s primary goal of redistributing prosperity will be advanced significantly.
Without Obamacare, the Junk Food Fairy initiative would not have been possible. Other Federal Fairy programs are being considered to advance the Obama agenda, which has been secretly designated as the “War on Achievement”.
Love,
